from: Lopez, Lola firstname.lastname@example.org
date: Tue, Nov 9, 2004 at 6:48 AM
subject: The self-portrait
The story I'm about to start is 110% true and happened aproximately ten years ago.
When I was about 17 years old, I had the idea of entertaining myself one afternoon by attempting to contact potential lost souls . For this purpose I took a squared piece of flat board and began writing on it the letters of the alphabet, numbers from 1 to 10 and the words yes and no and that was, I guess, a pretty good looking and illustrated ouija board. I 've always had a good hand for art and painting and still today remains one of my most treasured talents.
Throughout the session, I tried to create a very relaxed and peaceful atmosphere and demanded respectfully a signal if I had been successfull to stablish contact with anything. I asked over and over for a signal but nothing, no movements on the board, no candle flames rising. Eventually, I called it an attempt and gave up.
I turned the board over and decided to do what I do best, paint. So I gathered my painting gear and sat in front of the mirror to self-portrait myself. The final result was satisfactory. I was happy with the well defined sketch of myself. At the time I had long red hair and this made the picture look vivid and full of contrast. Plus, it really looked like me. When I was done I laid the board on the floor and went to the balcony for a cigarrette.
It was then, on my return to the bedroom that I stopped to look carefully at the picture. Something about it had called my attention. I sat on my bed and took a long cautious look. It was me, no doubt about it, the picture as a whole was warm and full of life, yet the fact that this image was trapped in a solid background confused me. It was then when I realised that I had green eyes on the picture, as opposed to my very black eyes. I didn't quite understand why I had done that. I wondered and as I stood up I kept looking at it as I walked from side to side inside my room. It came out to be one of those strange optic ilusion portrait pictures that feel as if they are following your own eyes. Still, I thought I had done a good job.
As time went by, I realised that everytime I looked at the picture I would be intrigued, take a second look and walk away. Day after day, the intriguing feeling had changed into fear and it had become harder and harder to avoid that creepy look on my very own picture. I started to feel very unconfortable in the company of myself. One night, I couldn't take it no more those green eyes looking at me, so I jumped out of bed and turned the picture around in order to hide and keep that look away. It was then when I remember that I had done this picture on the other side of the ouija board. I had completely forgotten about it.
The following morning, I turned the picture around again and the same creepy look was there. I wasn't scared at all, just cofused and a little unconfortable with this whole situation. I tend to be impulsive so practically what I did was break the board to tiny pieces and throw it into the garbage can.
I ask myself whether that picture could have been influenced by my failing attempt to contact the outer world.